Thanks to /u/slackerdude for this sample.
It hurts. It all hurts. The alcohol should be dulling the pain, yet no.
You lift your head up from the unvcaring, stained wood bar, hearing some schmuck belting out Nickleback at the top of his lungs. He’s trying, yet the off notes, the uncaring acoustics and fellow drunks aren’t helping.
A morose alcohol gatekeeper stares down at you, wiping your drool and placing some peanuts in it’s place. Pickled eggs glow in the dead light. All of your problems exist still, yet you have escaped them through drink.
Fighting your limp tongue muscles the best you can, you look at him and attempt to order.
And that’s why the makers of this whisky are dicks. How am I, an average person, suppose to pronounce this sober, let alone drunk? It’s not fair I tell you. I need to go grab my minor in Celtic just to order.
Strathisla 12 is not a slurred version of “The twelfth slut who done me wrong”, it’s rather a Speyside whisky made by Chivas brothers. One of the less popular distilleries, it keeps trying, regardless of slippery tongues or lack of popularity or really anything else I can mention.
According to pictures, my own eyes, and having some sense of understanding pretty things, the distillery looks amazing. The buildings seem great; let’s see how the whisky tastes, shall we?
Price: $57.50 (CAD) at the LCBO
Colour: 7.5YR 5/8
Nose: Honey, lemon, cranberry, plum, wood, cereal
Light, a little wood, and some tart notes that mix together to make cranberry. Which I’m no the biggest fan of, yet I can appreciate it.
The low Abv. isn’t helping this dram is what I’m saying.
Still hard to pronounce after nosing it.
Taste: Candy, lemon, wood, caramel, watery, nutmeg
Sweet, yet really watery. Kinda like weak mixed Crystal Light flavour.
Still hard to pronounce. Drinking it helps loosen the tongue, yet all I can get is where I hid the Oreos on myself.
Finish: Wood, pepper, paper, salt, lemon
Woody, salty, and blah finish.
Accidentally pronounced it while reacting to the paper taste. That’s not a good sign.
Conclusion: This isn’t a great dram. In typical Chivas brother’s fashion, it has an allright nose followed by a meh taste.
Don’t get me wrong: I think there’s something that can be made into more here. I mean, look at the fucking buildings. They look great. Just don’t drink what they have. Or attempt to pronounce it.
Being serious though: This is an unremarkable dram that mostly just drinks well while being hard to pronounce. I could see it as a drunks alternative to water and vodka. It’s not bad, just not really worth the time, in my opinion.
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