The following three reviews seem a little odd to have paired together. They were done as a yearly mystery swap that is done over at Reddit.
I received these from /u/devoz . He stated “It was tough finding things you’ve never reviewed, but I found them!”
Dear Fucking God I hope he didn’t just piss in some sample bottles.
So he sent me three. And I’m hear to blunder about guessing what’s what.
Let’s see how I do.
Well.. the sample bottle doesn’t smell like Urine… That’s a good thing.
Son of a Gun didn’t even tell me region or Abv… this is going to be a lot of failing.
Price: N/A in Canada
Colour: 2.5Y 6/8
Nose: Wood, lemon, cherry, brand muffin, brown sugar, oats.
My initial thought is this is bourbon. Or at least was in virgin oak.
Yeah. I can smell virgins. It’s no big thing.
Actually have a friend who can do that… it’s a tad creepy.
Taste: Peach, oak, walnut, orange, anise, cookie dough
Simple flavour, kinda sweet and nutty. Good amount of complexity to it. Nothing too crazy.
Still thinking this is Bourbon.
Finish: Caramel, wood, buttermilk, cherry, umami, hot
Holy fuck that’s hot. Hot as hell. Not cask strength, more so really, really hot from being watered down.
Conclusion: It’s whisky… that’s my first guess. The nose and taste are quite nice. Not too out there, but well balanced on the taste.
Then the finish burns your tongue and kills your cat. Maybe. Don’t worry, my cat’s are okay. I don’t let them drink. They act horribly when they do.
My Guess: Rock Hill Farms Bourbon
Actually: Crown Royal Hand Selected Barrel
Doesn’t smell or sound like urine. I’m relieved he wasn’t relieved.
All good so far.
Region: France (though made in Scotland)
Colour: 2.5Y 7/8
Nose: Sour raspberry, cereal, lemon, molasses, mint, currant
Strong as hell notes that are almost like a sherry or red wine finish. Also notes like a rum, yet this isn’t rum.
Nice spices and cereal here too.
Taste: Raisin, pepper, wheat, blackberry
Like raisin water. Or raisin brandy. Or anything with raisins in it. Not like grape juice in Quebec though.
That’s a bilingual joke. Still, lots of raisin notes. Completely unbalanced to the nth degree. Kinda hard to drink as well.
Finish: Molasses, lemon rind, black currant, cereal
Finishes really deep and thick. There’s an almost flavoured quality to this.
Conclusion: I’m going to guess it’s a flavoured whisky, more so made for mixing than for drinking straight. Very harsh, very unbalanced, and a constant flavour of purple berries.
I… really had a hard time drinking this. I am not a fan. Maybe use it with soda to balance out the sweetness?
My Guess: Bird Dog Blackberry Whisky
Actually: Michel Couvreur Intravagan’za Single Malt Whiskey
Insert scat joke. Insert joke about being relieved. Move about life. Laugh. Perhaps masturbate. Unless you’re at work. Or maybe you can, I’m not one to judge.
This one is odd. Bugger threw me a curve ball.
How’d he know about my curved ball?
Price: $49.95 (CAD), though may not be currently in stock
Colour: 7.5YR 6/10
Nose: Toffee, rich, raisin, sea salt, orange, cake, ginger
Exactly like Sticky Toffee Pudding. And I eat a lot of Sticky Toffee Pudding, all the time. It’s probably my #2 thing to find in the UK. Behind whisky.
This isn’t whisky.
Taste: Brown sugar, lemon, peppermint, cashew
Yeah, there’s a lot of brown sugar here. Very pronounced taste. Simple, yet each flavour stands out on it’s own. Really nice to sip. Reminds me of Demerra sugar.
This really can’t be whisky.
Finish: Caramel, cherry, apricot, cinnamon, maple syrup
Boom, big fruits, tons of deep caramel notes. Perfect thing to have in Autumn.
Conclusion: If this is a whisky, I’ll be surprised. It tastes exactly like a nice, strong, well aged rum. I really liked it, probably the most of the bunch.
My Guess: Dos Maderas PX 5+5
Actually: Sortilege Prestige
World Whisky reviews #108-110, Canada reviews #38-39, France review #6 Whisky Network reviews #547-549