Proper No. Twelve

Thanks to whomever found devoz  and handed him a sample of this for me… I think?

I know next to little about the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) or MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) in general, nor will I pretend to understand it. I can’t watch people do sports because I’d rather take part in a sport, even if I’m shit, and I’m allergic to being punched in the face.

Conor McGregor has made headlines outside of MMA, and each time I’ve seen them I’ve hoped he works through what he’s going through, just like the rest of us, save he has the whole world watching him, so I have sympathy that it could be hard. On the other hand, he has the money to work on those problems too, so perhaps my sympathy is misplaced.

He’s also taken a few hits to the head, which while MMA shows less degradation then boxing (thank fuck), and I’m no doctor, it can’t really be helpful in other parts of society. Like I’m not going to be hit in the head tomorrow and figure out when to invest in the stock market.

On the other hand, celebrities have been wanting to have “cool” products they can sell, and alcohol is cool. If a Kardashian can put her name behind a tequila, why is it silly that an MMA fighter could do the same with an Irish whiskey? At least he’s actually from the country it’s made in. And just because he started somewhere else and then used his money to invest in whiskey doesn’t mean the team isn’t doing well. Heck, it’s in his best interest to hire some chemists and whiskey nerds who can produce something tasty.

Or it could be a quick cash grab, because the alcohol industry is to morals what penguins are to grand pianos: Lacking.

Thus enter Proper No. Twelve, a whiskey that pops up in the background of manly men complaining about women who won’t touch them. It’s an ex-bourbon Barrel aged blend of grain spirit and single malt Irish they make themselves. Conor is listed as one of the founders and the company donates $5 from each case to a first responder charity.

Let me be clear: I don’t care if Conor is a bad or good person (when I’m reviewing the whiskey, I’d rather people be good and not throw things at buses), I’m happy they are donating to a good cause, I don’t love the inclusion of the words “blend of grain spirit” not including the words “whiskey”, and just because douchebags who can’t handle whiskey pretend to be manly in front of the whiskey doesn’t mean it’s bad.

Got it? He’s getting the same treatment as everyone else. So let’s get into the woodchipper and see if this is another Irish I recommend or not, shall we?

Price: $38.75 CAD

Region: Ireland

Cask type: Ex-bourbon Barrels

Abv: 40%

Colour: 5Y 7/8

Nose: Peach, cotton, caramel, grain

Alright, some fruit, some cereal, some generic caramel, and some grain. Not bad, but damn is this light. Not really much happening beyond sweet notes on top of sweet, but not really turning me away. More annoyed at how light it is.

Well, ain’t nothing to do but to drink it (don’t do that if you work in a lab).

Taste: Peach drink, alcohol, vanilla

Oh god, that’s… uh, okay. There’s vanilla. The little malt in this was from an ex-bourbon barrel, that’s for certain. Otherwise it’s rough raw alcohol and a cheap peach note. Something I’d drink if I was underage and wanted enough courage to just exist, but with less sugar and way more cheap vodka.

Finish: Alcohol, black pepper, mineral

It finishes long, adding to my belief they only used the roughest possible grain spirit. It’s rough, painful, and not tasty.

Conclusion: Acrid black vodka. I’ve had some bad blends from many different countries, whiskies that were meant to be mixed with soda or water, and whiskies that were meant to be used by bartenders, and this is pretty bad. I can’t believe it’s even allowed to be called whiskey, honestly. This isn’t good. Skip it. Buy literally any other alcohol (maybe not Malort).

If this isn’t a cash grab, I don’t know what is. Buy the empty bottle if you want a manly man’s whiskey on your shelf. Buy a big sign that says you’re manly, it’s probably cheaper, and that worked for Reagan or Trump. There’s a million better whiskies in Ireland that are better to drink than this.

Stick to punching, Conor, or hire a new group of people, or put more money into the releases.


World Whisky review #436, Ireland review #119, Whisky Network review #2262

2 thoughts on “Proper No. Twelve

  1. In a back to back tasting with Jameson Original – which is the competition – I marginally preferred Proper Twelve.
    The whiskey sits well within the entry level options out there and is heading to be the 2nd biggest selling Irish Whiskey in the world.
    Most of these sales might be motivated by the character behind it & conversely most of the reviews are negative.
    I often wonder if this is influenced by the character too?
    Or is it because they don’t review much entry level spirits?
    Either way I find it a fairly acceptable entry level blend.


    1. Since I review a fair amount of entry level spirits and specifically wrote that I wasn’t speaking of his character, your passive aggressive comment is off the mark. I’m glad you liked it I didn’t.


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